It's a long hard month before exams, and stress is in the air
He's off to grace the Armpit while most others have no care
I'm sure it can't be good for you to work all night and day
You're tense and ratty - loosen up, they're still four weeks away.
Is it really worth it, sitting there as you clearly feel you must
Missing out on everything that's happening here just
To increase the knowledge that you're knowing?
How's it goin', Owen?
But it's not as bad as one might think - distractions are around
Even in this stuffy room where no-one makes a sound
For sitting at your table, just a yard away from you
Is a third year SPS-er doing last revision, who
Has got just too much cleavage showing -
D'you increase the knowledge that you're knowing?
How's it goin', Owen?
The concentration's lapsing off, revision's far behind;
The very girl you're sitting with is screwing with your mind
I understand it's hard to think - Your brain is in a tizz
When all that comes into your head when you walk in there is
The Love Hearts that your bird's bestowing -
The one with too much cleavage showing -
Can't increase the knowledge that you're knowing
How's it goin' Owen?
Just check her out, you can't resist - her figure is a stunner
Your mind is light-years off your work - You wish that you had done 'er -
She's thirty-eight and double-D and twenty-one years old
And if you're the one she really likes, then surely you've struck gold
Tell me, how d'you get her juices flowing
And the Love Hearts that your bird's bestowing?
The one with too much cleavage showing -
Can't increase the knowledge that you're knowing
How's it goin', Owen?
You take a break, you're in the bar - It's time to get the beers in
You'll fail or overwork, and don't know which your greatest fear's been
Don't drink too much - nine pints is that top limit you'll regret
You're tanked already off your face and nowhere near that yet -
Don't chunder, we don't want you throwing
How's it goin', Owen?
Your money's gone, your overdraft is stretched to the extreme
But still you feel you need to have a beer-acquiring scheme
You ask your friends to buy you one, and lend you for the next
While checking out the girls and wondering which are oversexed -
The money and the beer are owing
Don't chunder, we don't want you throwing
How's it goin', Owen?
You flail about, you slur your speech, you're shouting in the bar
Your beer glass is called Mister Eight - perhaps you've gone too far
Your glasses are now steaming up, you're feeling rather tired
And suddenly you realise table football is required -
Your reaction time is slow and slowing,
The money and the beer are owing
Don't chunder, we don't want you throwing
How's it goin', Owen?
Another day you'll feel the need to take a walk outside -
The theory that there's lots to see is easily applied
Be subtle, for you stop and gape with quite astounding pace -
If you get caught by one such girl, she'll slap you in the face
For stopping, staring, loudly 'whoa'ing
How's it goin', Owen?
For wheresoever you may go in Cambridge in the summer
You're bound to think, if you're alone, that life's a major bummer
The girls are out in numbers huge, the Breastfest '95,
But if you're into leching, then it's good to be alive
But especially if a bloke they're towing,
Stop stopping, staring, loudly 'whoa'ing
How's it goin', Owen?
Those tight tops let you see just what is tucked away inside -
It's a miracle those girls stand up, for gravity's defied
And though they all look quite appealing,
Those clothes they wear are too revealing -
Those girls whose tops need extra sewing,
Especially if a bloke they're towing,
Stop stopping, staring, loudly 'whoa'ing
How's it goin', Owen?
Though summer is the time when all the talent wears the least,
A trip around in winter can still be a lecher's feast
You'll ogle anything that passes,
Large firm breasts and tight firm asses,
For when it's hot or when it's snowing,
There's girls around whose tops need sewing
But especially if a bloke they're towing
Stop stopping, staring, loudly 'whoa'ing
How's it goin', Owen?
So, all in all, you cannot think, you booze and lech and stare
The girls are out in force, but, well, the one for you is where?
Your brain is full, you can't be arsed, revision is a joke -
Why is it life just pisses on a fairly decent bloke?
The hurricane of life is blowing,
For when it's hot or when it's snowing,
Twenty-five or ten-below ing
There's girls around whose tops need sewing
But especially if a bloke they're towing
Do not ignore our 'no, no, no' ing -
Stop stopping, staring, loudly 'whoa'ing.
You check them out without their knowing,
The girls who do the early rowing -
Your head spins round, your legs are bowing
While your reaction time is slow and slowing
The money and the beer are owing
Don't chunder, we don't want you throwing -
Let's hope the bloke outside's not mowing
When your hangover is 'ho ho ho' ing
But I think she's really got you going
And prob'ly got your manhood growing -
Tell me, how d'you get her juices flowing
And the Love Hearts that your bird's bestowing,
The one with too much cleavage showing -
Can't increase the knowledge that you're knowing
How's it goin', Owen?
All right?
24.7.95