....fade in, waffling
...and while we feel the rise was not what Council had intended,
We had to follow guidelines which the Uni recommended.
But when we said we didn't care, that wasn't what we meant -
Just surely no-one notices a measly eight percent
And what we end up charging
Is a fair room rent
Interrupting quickly
BOY! - Getting a rise .... like that enforced could ruin applications;
People won't come here, but to less pricy destinations.
The sort of people we'll attract will make us all look fools,
What with all our talk of bringing folk from Target Schools.
But we don't care if people moan - It's not us that annoys;
We're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
We're the room rent boys.
But students holding rent strikes is quite clearly not the answer -
The money's needed for essentials, like the College Dancer.
Because withholding cash just means the college only suffers;
The lack of money can't be made up by the college buffers.
The Council won't be happy with the protests which abound;
The lack of cash will not assist refurbishing the Round
And rent-bill strikes will only mean the payment is belated
'Cos if you're still in debt next year, you won't have graduated -
Don't matter if the JCR are making lots of noise,
For Drs. Cosh and Walker
Are the room rent boys.
The main complaint, I'm sad to say, is everybody knows
That no-one has been told to where the extra money goes -
To access funds? To en suite rooms? Our new front wall?
Nervously interjecting
It also goes against our plan for access rights for all.
The problem is that no-one in the college understands
That once directives come from high, the matter's out our hands.
The only thing we do is carry out our jobs with poise;
We're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
We're the room rent boys.
The problem with the rent(s), boys, and the prices they elicit
Is the fact that fewer people get to come is quite implicit.
But still the students shouldn't march with rent-rise protest banners,
For blocking up the Backs just shows a deficit of manners.
We don't approve of strikes or other politicians' toys -
We're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
We're the room rent boys.
I'm tired of the questions being asked - "Dear Dr Cosh,
Exactly what's been done with all the piles of student dosh?"
The students only need to know our five year plan -
And Dr. Cosh is not
The only room rent man.
The problem's that the rent, boy, is now quite up for a rise,
Despite that now it's only just a manageable size.
Nervously, again
The costs are viewed by many as a sign of coming doom.
In reply
But then we'll charge the same rent as for any Cambridge room.
In reply to the reply
But if you charge the same as for a private Cambridge dwelling,
You have to take some care about the services you're selling -
Most residents can stay put in the holidays, for one
And turning off the heating before May just isn't done.
So when things needs discussing, we're the Queens' envoys;
We're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
We're the room rent boys.
It doesn't matter if there's students always on our backs
And when we hear the protests from support groups, we relax
'Cos all we need is something smart to throw them off the scent;
The meetings that we tell them of... are something we invent -
Though nothing really gets discussed, we're great decoys,
We're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
We're the room rent boys.
And no-one's really happy with the way that things are done -
The rules we must obey come from an un-named one;
No-one gets consulted when decisions get passed through
And what college have to realise is there's nothing we can do.
Sung in close harmony if possible....
Or so we tell them.......
Don't matter if the JCR are making lots of noise,
For we don't care if people moan - It's not us that annoys,
The only thing we do is carry out our jobs with poise,
And when things needs discussing, we're the Queens' envoys.
We don't approve of strikes or other politicians' toys -
And though student woes don't get discussed, we're great decoys -
We're..........
Drs. Cosh and Walker,
Yes, we're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
Oooohh we're Drs. Cosh and Walker,
We're the room rent boys!