Once upon an English city
Where a certain river flowed
Sat a terraced house so pretty
In a small suburban road.
Simple Simon lived within it
In a room along the hall,
Where he spent each private minute
With his picture on his wall
***
The house that he lived in had always seemed perfect -
He never had needed improvements to seek;
With a number of ladies and gay men to share with
And a reasonable bill for expenses each week.
So imagine his horror, one day on returning
From work at the Bullard when feeling quite tired
To find that his landlord had sent him a letter
To tell him his terminal lease had expired.
So an idea emerged to acquire his own place;
A most masterful plan for essential adoption -
For somewhere to take, and impress, all the girlies
When using his sailboat just wasn't an option.
But bases in town are not lightly afforded -
The rent is too high for that one place that suits,
For low income's the prize for a stretch as a student,
As they warned in those days of his physicist roots.
There was just one solution to crowbar the cost down -
To try and elicit a partnership scheme -
To be on the look-out for someone like-minded;
To try and find someone to share in his dream.
So he looked at the people who toiled around him
In the same set of labs as he worked, with the plea
That the number of eligible mates would astound him,
Where he'd moved from the Cav for his second degree.
***
The search became a focussed task
And moved to circles geologic -
He hoped he'd find there one to ask,
Who, once he'd cornered, couldn't dodge it.
Simple Simon met the Pye-Man
Coming down the stairs -
Said Simple Simon to the Pye-Man
"Your face is full of hairs."
"I'm looking for a house," said Si,
"For eat and sleep and drink,
And need one more to share the cost with -
Tell me what you think."
"*I* need a chum to pay some rent with -
This could work out fine,
'Cos somehow I've not yet found any
Wanting to be mine."
***
So thusly the matching of minds was created -
A chance for a home with no need for extortions
"We'll create a nirvana most aptly located;
A bachelor pad of palatial proportions."
The need was to cater for all their obsessions
And they soon found the house that they both had desired,
With enough space for Simon to store his possessions
And a bed fit for two, to be used as required.
So they moved to the dwelling for which they had hankered,
With a lounge full-equipped with a TV and sofa
Where, in evenings, the Pye-Man can sit with his tankard
And give Simon instruction in being a loafer.
And so we can leave this domestic arrangement
With memories of Promax and cruises on ships.
Reminiscence is happy, conversation enthralling;
Of clear seismic lines and the use of "dvips".
Where the only thing missing from total fulfilment
Is some more frequent invites on cinema trips.
***
So - Simple Simon found his Pye-Man -
All had worked out fab;
The only hitch with Brooklands Ave's
The distance from the lab.
The moral of this story is;
If you're a current PhD,
If you find one to share a house with,
What you get is what you see.